Talk:Four Months/@comment-5192707-20191018114958
A few days ago out of the blue, i wanted to take a trip down memory lane. So i logged onto our old wiki, and went through the chat moments and a few other pages. The memories, the amazing memories i cant believe i’d almost forgotten. Then, the sadness hit. I cried for 4 hours, trying to remember if i was there for you on your last days. I couldn’t even remember the last conversation we had. It pained me to think, what if i had abandoned him when he needed me most. I abandon and shut everyone out of my life. I hoped that maybe, these were false memories. That i didn’t actually avoid talking to you out of fear. How incredibly selfish of me. For the last 4 or so days after revisiting the wiki, I couldn’t get you out of my mind. I felt like something was missing. Trying desperately to remember anything. I remembered a separate wikia that we used to talk on and i tried to find any other trace of you that i could. This wiki, i completely forgot about, but it looked similar to what i pictured in my mind. The red and black color scheme. Its almost like the universe was trying to give me a sign. About an hour ago, i thought of you again before i tried going to sleep. It almost felt like you were here with me. I know that sounds silly. How could someone i’d never met in real life actually be here with me in spirit form. Well, i asked you for a sign. “Joey, if you hear me, please, give me anything, any kind of sign.” I was tempted to log back onto the other wiki, then to our relationship page. I’d visited that page the other day, but something made me want to go back and check. So i did. What i found was the sign i asked for. The way you hid this page in plain sight, how clever. You were always very intelligent. I cannot believe, its taken me 6 years. 6 YEARS. To find this. But i’m glad i finally did, because now my questions are answered and i know the memories that i hoped were false, were actually true. Im heartbroken. Why now? Why is it that, on october 18th 2019, i’m just seeing this message you left for me. Why? Honestly, the other day when i cried for hours, i think you were trying to give me some time to process and think a little. Maybe i had to do some growing before coming here. Maybe now, at this point in my life where i’m trying to learn more about myself and connect deeper into the universe is what brought me here. I dont know, but 6 years is long overdue for an apology. Joey, i’m sorry. Im sorry for hurting you. Im sorry for deleting my twitter without letting you know (i cant even remember having a twitter where we used to communicate. Where has my memory gone.) You are perfect, you will always be perfect. I cannot believe i hurt you so much without even realizing it at the time. I feel like an absolute monster and you deserved so much better. You thought so highly of me. It brings me to tears. You were my entire world for those few months that we were an internet couple, and even before that as friends. You were the closest i’d ever gotten to anyone, which may sound crazy considering we never met in person, but we had a deep bond that i’d never shared with anyone. It sucks that im struggling to remember the great times we shared everything is so blurred. Despite me being horrible to you on your last days, you still loved me. Why? �� I remember, when we first became a wiki couple I couldn’t believe it. You were a god like figure in my eyes, lol. You were so talented at everything you did, you were my king. It warms my heart to know how much i meant to you. I didn’t deserve you. Im sorry.